Looking Back, Looking Forward

Sometimes it seems as if Sora and I have made no progress or even have gone backwards. For me this blog is more to remind myself of where we were and the progress that has been made than anything else.

For the last few months I have been in continuous flux about how to train Sora, trying to figure out the "right" way. This has unfortunately been not because I have/had doubts but because others have had doubts in me. Honestly I am a big chicken and my safety has always been my highest priority. Riding is the only risk I take and although it is a big one I have ALWAYS taken every precaution available to reduce that risk including not riding anything scary. This means that when I had two "knowledgeable" horse people at the barn telling me that I was going to get hurt I listened.

At least for a short time :)

The conclusion I came to is that they can't even begin to imagine the type of relationship I have with Sora. Relationship maybe isn't even the word to use. The words I think of are trust, confidence, time, experience, feel, belief, caution, respect, sensitivity, years, training, familiarity, and I just can't think of a word that encompasses them all. They are all trail riders (slow with a drink in one hand type trail riders), they train their horses not to spook and to carry them slowly down trails. While I respect their ability to do this I have absolutely no interest in that type of horse sport and neither does Sora.

They seem to see her running wildly around her pasture and not see her standing still under me without tack after I mount because I am shaking (Thanks to the fact two of them are watching me just about ready to dial 911) or taking a couple of steps at a time while waiting for me to calm down. Walking with her head on the ground to calm me. Licking me like a foal when I've had a bad day and come to her crying. Allowing, no Asking me to mount and go for a ride. Galloping to me to do things because they are fun and she likes me and believes in me.

Now I'm not saying every horse/human relationship should be like this. In fact for many it would be dangerous and not recommended. However for me Sora has been more therapy than anything else could be. She has changed the very way I look at the world and they way I react to everything. I live in the moment now more than I ever did before, I am calmer and far more positive and the controlling and unhealthy part of me is just about gone. I can now climb on a horse without a huge rush of adrenaline which is unheard of for me and if that can only happen on a young, hot, tackless Arabian than I am proud of both of us!

Today I took the time to read back through my posts to the point where I started AND. I am amazed at the progress that has been made. Much of it hasn't even been noted on here but when I read about something that I was having trouble with in these posts and compare it to where we are now it makes me happy. Seeing the progress in both of us makes me even more certain that I am on the right path for me and the right path for Sora.

I hope to track more of our progress, and current issues, as soon as I get back home from this weekend but for now,

Happy 4-TH of July Weekend!!!

Herd, not Human

A change has happened with Sora and my relationship. Starting earlier this week I finally became a treasured member of Sora's herd rather than simply Katlyn. With that said, I am a very treasured, respected and valued herd member that never gets kicked at, bitten or run over. However that really isn't that strange as horses generally don't do these things to each other anyway except in extremely rough play or when vying for dominance.

Currently not much training is going on but there is a lot of learning happening with both of us. I'm learning how to be and remain congruent with positive and appropriate energy. Sora is learning how to read my body language and how much more delicate I can be than a horse which means that it does hurt me when she snaps and that I react with fear if feet start flying too near me. The thing is that right now all she needs as a correction is the fear. She backs off just as I do when she gets fearful and nothing more needs to be done since we respect eachother.

The more specific work that has happened has been working with the Cordeo and teaching Sora that I would like her walking next to me when we are "working" but that she can be where ever when we play.

I have come to a few powerful realizations. First, that working with/playing with a horse either at liberty, doing groundwork or on their back is not dangerous (at least no more than walking to your car) as long as there is respect from and in both parties and as long as both parties are fairly alert. Basically the things I always saw as impossible, dangerous or stupid simply aren't with the type of relationship Sora and I are working on. I wasn't thinking about the fact that riding, for example without a bridle, isn't dangerous at all if you are able to listen to what the horse is telling you. If the horse tells you something is scary or dangerous you climb off and that a horse that respects you just won't buck to remove you, only to show exuberant mood (if at that point you can't stay on that's hardly the horse's fault lol).

These are simple things but I am discovering that I tend to be fearful of everything in my life (the fact that my first few experience with horses were with horses that did want to hurt me didn't help at all). Sora is the same way and we are teaching and learning from each other. A good example of this is when I climbed on Sora for the first time ever bareback yesterday. She wasn't sure she wanted me there and I could tell she thought that feeling me move that clearly was strange but she didn't want to hurt me! She values my friendship and respects me. Even though she knows that I wouldn't hurt a hair on her if she expressed herself that way (natural fear response), she also knew that I would climb off the minute she needed me to. Because of that even though I had a rush of adrenalin and was shaky she stood stock still until I gathered myself a little and when I lost my balance (I haven't had a chance to ride all winter and am disgustingly weak in my core) she stopped and waited for me to regain my balance. All of this in a halter, on a windy day with completely loose reins.

Sora has been learning a lot from our time together as well and has never been calmer. I've realized that if I were to tell someone that something was dangerous and they ignored me it would only heighten my fear whereas if they responded to it and then ignored it I would feel completely safe. I've started to acknowledge everything Sora tells me is scary. I look, smell (breath deeply) and sometimes “shy” while remaining calm with an in control, leader sort of attitude, and most of the time after acknowledging the scary I go back to what we were doing. Between that and the increase in time I spend with her she is now calmer than any other horse I've been around. This is all because of trust. As a member of the herd she knows I'm looking out for both of us and wouldn't lead us into danger. She also sees that I respect her decisions and pay attention to the things she thinks are scary. Yesterday I went to save a rubber ball from the wind and when I tossed it over the fence into Sora's pen, the wind took it and threw it against her legs. She just stood there looking at it. She was ready to run but since I didn't and just smiled and waited she came over to me relaxed not even really looking at the ball. Very impressive (at least to me) from a still three year old Arabian filly.